| Dr. Jonas Salk | Yours Truly | |
| Occupation | Physician; Inventor of polio vaccine | Tech support |
| Times married | 2 | 0 |
| Winner of the Presidential Medal of Freedom | Yes | Not Yet |
| Number of to-the-death knife fights won** | None | 2 |
| Breathing? | Nope | Yep. Suck it, Mr. Guy Who Has Saved Millions of Lives! |