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...my sorry ass
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Words I can't use: big kahoona, experiment, surf, black, dog, girl, fire, island, car, ship/spaceship, home, room, bed, push, hunt, chase, work, job, ice cream, sunburn, alien, space, water, Hawaii, funny, sister, Elvis, capture, evil, destroy, family, child, animation, cartoon, art, drawing, kid, phonograph, young, little, girl, fuzzy, fluffy, save, rescue, Sponsor-a-Child, Sally Struthers, automobile, car, dance, "The King", "Rock and Roll" (Words in bold I found the most difficult to work around.)
Words I'm glad I could use: Presley
If Disney had made this movie ten years ago, Lilo would have been a shy but determined Hawaiian princess with a Barbie-doll figure, Stitch would have been about as destructive as a Nerf ball, they would have had a wisecracking talking surfboard (voiced by Howie Mandel), and they would've replace all the Presley songs with Presley covers sung by Whitney Houston and Color Me Badd.
Thankfully Disney has some competition in the field of non-live-action cinema (Dreamworks), forcing them to not rely on the tried-and-true Disney method:
1) Lead character sings exposition-riffic song about life in wherever. Written by Tim Rice
2) We are introduced to non-human character. This creature's importance to the plot is only outweighed by his importance in selling Burger King kids' meals.
3) Song purposely inserted to offend some ethnic group and get free publicity.
4) Bruce Wayne-like tragedy
5) Another song, this time sung by whoever was big on VH1 five years previous.
6) Hoo-boy, yet another song.
7) Climatic scene probably featuring gratuitous computer graphics.
Deep in the cosmos we're introduced to a small, little, blue creation (later dubbed Stitch). He was created to be predisposed to commit destruction by his evil mad scientist, played by Major Charles Emerson Winchester the 3rd. Before a council of planets could eradicate Stitch he escapes and ends up on Earth in the Aloha State.
We then meet Lilo, who has to be the most fun, psychologically screwed up kid since the Peanuts gang. My only regret is that this is such a great movie that Disney will eventually have to release a cheaply-made straight-to-video sequel. Considering the rate at which Disney is strip mining their legacy over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over I expect to see "Lilo & Stitch Visit Epcot" sometime next year.
[I actually wrote this when the movie first came out, and since then we've had a cheaply made direct-to-video sequel which was really the pilot for the cheaply made Saturday morning cartoon.]
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