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MEN IN BLACK II Words I can't use: aliens, dog, glasses, postman, post office, old, new, threat, monster, head, CGI, teeth, sexy, earth, space, shoot, train, knees, shorts, rap, Fresh Prince, destroy, wreck, planet, world, worm, fangs, gun, Al Gore, suit, car, "face like the inside of a Thomas's English Muffin" (Words in bold I found the most difficult to work around.) Words I'm glad I could use: agent, light, subway, Jazzy Jeff In "Crocodile Dundee", the story begins in Australia then moves to America. There the Australian starts acting all fish-out-of-watery in America. In the sequel, it's pretty much the same movie backwards. We start in America and we go to Australia. We then see several Americans acting all fish-out-of-watery. In the first MIB, Wil Smith (He's not the DJ) joins a super-secret government division that makes sure extra-terrestials don't go out of control. All the while he encounters weird stuff and does his best to convey how strange it all is. Fish. Out. Of. Water. In the sequel, Our story begins with Muhammed Ali trying to rescue a bunch of folks in a subway from being eating by a slimy, 20-story Jared Vogle. Herein we learn he's become a top-notch workaholic agent. He's also feeling kinda lonely, in much the same way Jazzy Jeff does nowadays when he's cleaning the fry grill. Enter one Serleena, the villainess of the picture. She start off as this shambling plant FX but happens upon a catalog wherein Lara Flynn Boyle's photo appears. The creature tries to blend in by morphing into her image. SAD FACT ALERT! Is it sadder that this plot device was stolen from Critters II: The Main Course, or is it sadder that I mumbled it to myself when I watched it? Also, on a side note, remember when Lara Flynn was hot in this Mike Myers movie I can't mention by name? Remember when she didn't look like she was set to do battle with He-Man and Orko? So Wil Smith, having just completed his most recent mission was upset. He missed his original partner Kay. He was feeling kind of lovelorn. Most seriously, his parents just didn't understand. His next mission he meets a girl and falls and love. Despite her being the crux of the plot, she appears in the movie less than the talking canine so we'll ignore her. Kay (or Jay, whichever one's Tommy Lee Jones) hid an item called "The Light" which the villainess is looking for. Since he had his brain wiped clean he has to follow a series of clues he left for himself. Unfortuantely the clues aren't really interesting in a Goonies or Indiana Jones kind of way ("Choose your laser cannon. But choose wisely.") Now that I think about it, this movie probably could have used Chunk as one of the MIBs. It eventually leads to a big outdoor battle against the towering plant-villain, Gigantus Anticlimactus. They fight. They bite. They fight and bite and fight. I'm not surprising anyone by saying the good guys win. We also learn the big secret of what the light is. For those just dying to know, I've included it below. Just drag your mouse between the two lines. ------------------------------------------------------- Don't worry about it. It was uncommonly lame. ------------------------------------------------------- It was a fairly fun movie despite it being a near flawless retread of the first. I'd recommend it to people who haven't seen the first movie, people who don't care and just want to turn off their brains for an hour, and people who can't get enough of singing mutts. |
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